What Should Be
by LessAttitudeMoreAltitude
Summary: Oneshot. Depa Billaba expresses concern about the effect this war is having on her padawan.


**I do not own Star Wars: Rebels in any capacity.**

**I could have been working on The Undeserving, but I got this scene stuck in my head and had to write it out. Enjoy!**

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"What is it?"

Depa glanced at the staticky holo of her former master, suddenly realizing she had drifted off in thought. "My apologies. I've been a little… preoccupied."

"Understandable," Mace said. "I imagine it must have been difficult to face him again."

She shook her head. Although her encounter with Grievous had been unexpected (and had resulted in a few injuries) that was not what was on her mind. "Grievous proved himself a coward as always. I only regret that I was unable to apprehend him. It would have brought us that much closer to an end to this war."

"While that _is _the opinion of the Council, you were in no condition to pursue him. It's hardly your fault."

"Hmm…" That was true, but Depa was more preoccupied with what would happen after the war had ended. The years it was going to take to bring the galaxy back to true peace. Even if they managed to shut down the droid army, there were still the billions of Separatists who would likely not give up without some final skirmishes. The war would be over in name while blood was still shed.

"Depa?"

She blinked, shaking her head with a sigh. "I'm sorry, Mace…"

"What's wrong?" he asked, taking on that stern tone that meant he expected an honest response.

It took a few moments for Depa to gather her thoughts. She wasn't sure how Mace would react, but she trusted that he would at least keep her confidence. If this were anyone else, she would not be so willing to talk about this. "Why are we a part of this war?"

Mace raised an eyebrow. "By 'we' you mean…"

"Us. The Jedi. Why are we fighting this war?"

"You know why," Mace said. He seemed confused by her inquiry. "The Grand Army needed leaders - generals - to marshal the clones to a swift end to the war."

"It's been three years," Depa pointed out. She knew historically that three years wasn't necessarily considered a 'long' war, but she would hardly call it swift either. Even if they _were _coming towards the end.

"And we would not be in such a fortuitous position had we not aided the Republic. With Count Dooku leading the Separatists, we couldn't stand idly by and allow the Republic to fall."

That all sounded good, but they both knew it wasn't that simple. She was far from the first Jedi to bring up these concerns within the Order. Even though she herself had agreed and touted these responses for years now. Not even the six month coma had changed her mind.

But things change. "We might be aiding the Republic in quelling the Separatist threat… But I fear we're losing ourselves along the way."

Mace let out a tired sigh. "I know this war has been hard on you. It's been hard on all of us. I understand your reservations..."

"No, you don't," Depa said firmly.

He was taken back by that. "Depa, I've fought in as many battles as you have. Watched the clones under my command be slaughtered…"

"_You _didn't have to see your padawan on the edge of death!"

Silence stretched between them, with only the fluttering hum of the holo filling the void. Depa searched Mace's face, gauging his reaction. He looked pensive and thoughtful. Not exactly the reaction she was hoping for.

"I've accepted my own role in this war," she went on. These thoughts have been floating in her head for days now, and she needed to get them out. "I willingly accepted the title of General and the responsibility of the 222nd Legion. I knew the risks and accepted them."

"Depa…" Mace said softly.

"Our padawans have _military _titles," she said, letting the absurdity of the statement sink in.

"They are more than equipped to handle themselves on the field of battle."

Beneath the view of the holo, Depa clenched her hands against in her robes, the image of Caleb floating in the bacta tank flashing before her eyes. It never occurred to her, the _wrongness _of it all, until she sensed Caleb being shot on Kardoa. Although even then, she hadn't allowed herself to fully see the effect the war was having on her apprentice. Partially because Caleb seemed willing - no, _eager _\- to move on to their next battle. He had been as spirited and curious as ever.

That changed on Mygeeto.

"I thought you said Caleb wasn't injured on Mygeeto," Mace said.

"Not physically, no."

Mace frowned. "What happened?" he asked, his voice softening.

Depa sighed, closing her eyes. She had not known what had happened until after she had recovered from her own wounds. It was only then that she noticed the change in her padawan. "Caleb took a life. A sentient life."

Mace nodded slowly. "This is a war…"

"He's fourteen years old."

"And he passed his Initial Trials."

"Mace, he's _fourteen years old._ You're not here. You're not _seeing _the change."

"Of course he's changing. You think _you _didn't change when you accompanied me on my missions?"

"It's not the same, and you know it," Depa said dryly. "There is no comparing _any _of those missions to chaos and uncertainty of actual war. Let alone the grief and wretchedness that comes from the loss of life."

"Caleb is strong, both in will and with the Force," Mace said, his voice infuriatingly calm. "As you have reminded me several times…"

"He is," Depa insisted. "And a gifted strategist and skilled with the blade." It was why he had been able to pass the Initiate Trials so young. "Given time and patience, he has the potential to become truly great Jedi."

Another image flashed before her eyes. Her young padawan sitting across the table from her, his shoulders slumped slightly as he recounted what had happened. His tone was light, as if he were trying to prove that it hadn't affected him. Depa had tried to get him to take a moment and grieve, to accept the horror that had happened, but he resisted. Despite his youth - perhaps _because _of it - he was determined to show no weakness in front of his master.

"I'm worried…" Depa admitted quietly. "... about the long term effects these battles are having on our apprentices."

Mace let out a tired sigh, looking away for a moment. "You wish to return to the Temple."

Depa blinked. It was not a thought she had had yet, but now that he had put it into words, she realized that was exactly what she wanted. "Yes. I want to bring Caleb back to the Temple."

Mace nodded slowly, his brow furrowed slightly. "That is within your right," he said quietly.

She knew him better than that. "But…?"

He closed his eyes and sighed. "You're not that far from the planet Kaller. It's being occupied by a small group of Separatists, led by General Kleeve. They've forced the locals into labor camps."

"Mace, I don't…"

"Kleeve's forces have dwindled," Mace pushed on, giving her a deliberate gaze. "The current battalion just needs assistance for one last push to drive the Separatists out. It shouldn't take more than a couple days. In the meantime, I'll organize for another general to take your place in that sector. Then you and Caleb can come home."

Depa relaxed slightly. That seemed reasonable. The Republic wouldn't want to leave an entire sector empty of Republic presence, as that would embolden local Separatist groups. As much as she would have preferred to return to Coruscant immediately, she supposed they could finish this last mission before her replacement arrived.

"Very well," she said. "But we _will _be returning to the Temple after we liberate Kaller."

Mace gave a small smile. "I'm looking forward to it."

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